In this season I know I can truly RockIt! The seasons of the past…. although full of tears, have shown me the importance of perseverance and love. They have also instilled in me a new level of compassion for the broken hearted.
My path was not direct hurt of my own choices but witnessing those I love destroy the potential for their own lives. The person that left me forever changed was my brother, Duane.
Duane and I became very close during a time when he was struggling with heroin addiction and the aftermath of an infection to his heart valves. Every ounce of faith I had knew God would heal him. I was very bold in speaking that loudly. “God will heal him”, I told my friends.
August 15th 2019 was his 2nd birthday with Jesus. I struggled for months after he passed not understanding where I missed that this was not God’s will. I still believe my God could have healed him this side of Heaven. That I will never doubt.
The months following his passing, the grief I had was enormous. CW Lewis wrote of grief...”it’s as if there is an invisible blanket between me and the world”; I found that to be true. I found myself gaining weight as a result of my sadness. I already struggled with being overweight my entire life which, by itself, was depressing.
In time, I started to take control of my health. I discovered a plan that I could focus on. I found myself not only becoming healthier as I lost weight, but my heart was also beginning to heal. I learned that the extra weight I had carried for so many years had been keeping my mind and body trapped.
Today I feel free! 60 lbs is no joke!!! The loss of my brother wasn’t healed by me finally losing the weight, but being able to rid myself of that enabled me to clear my mind so I could find myself amongst the hurt. I realized I could grieve my brother in a healthy way and in my own time. I will forever miss him but now I also have the power to forever take care of my body so my mind remains clear.
Love is powerful, that for yourself and that for others. Never stop doing both!